


hot like fire, take you higher

by birthmarks (orphan_account)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Canon Compliant, Communication, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Healthy Relationships, Humour, Kink Exploration, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Past Internalized Homophobia, References to Drugs, Sexual Content, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-09-25 08:02:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9810524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/birthmarks
Summary: Isak Valtersen was a teenage boy and with that came internalized feelings and avoidance of communication. He spent more time morbidly thinking about his life than actively attempting to improve it. But that was about to change soon, considering the circumstances. He was entering his first serious relationship and everyone kept telling him that“trust and communication are the foundation of every healthy relationship!”(insert eye roll here).The issue was that most of the time what he really thought about was sex. And while he knew it was normal to think about, he was more than content with ignoring the topic than experiencing how awkward it could be to discuss it.Or: in which Isak and Even fall in love, discover their kinks, and experience life along the way.[ABANDONED]





	1. prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **IMPORTANT NOTES AND FOREWARNINGS** :  
> 
> 
>   * This fic is canon compliant but is meant to have more of a “snapshot” feel—in other words, it is not an entirely linear timeline (although the prologue begins after season three ends), and sometimes you might not be able to tell when exactly things take place. I'll try to be as clear as possible, though!
>   * I plan to stay true to the show’s portrayal of Isak/Even with some creative interpretation. In other words: if you are looking for something _super_ kinky and explicit, this fic is not it. Rather it will explore little kinks with some more intense stuff thrown in here and there. There will be a warning before every chapter, so _please read the author’s notes_ to ensure that you do not read something you don’t want to.
>   * Those being said, despite this being a fic about the physical relationship between these two characters, do not expect sex to happen in every chapter.
>   * I am not well versed in Norwegian culture and slang. If I make a mistake, please inform me!
> 

> 
> Enjoy this prologue! x   
> 

It began, as most things did, with a throwaway comment from Magnus. 

It was the Friday before Christmas and Isak was spending some quality time with the boys because, and he quoted Jonas, _it’s not everyday that your model-like boyfriend is actually busy and you aren’t spending your time drooling over him_ , so they seized the opportunity to use Isak’s parent-free apartment to get baked and do what most boys did while baked: play video games.

At the moment though, Isak was bored. He had passed on the weed out of respect for Even, who had decided to abstain from weed “for the time being” after a serious discussion on the night of the _kosegruppe_ Christmas party. Despite Even not asking him to do the same and being at a family member’s birthday party, Isak had spontaneously decided to join him in a sign of solidarity when passed the spliff. He was going to be a supportive boyfriend, damn it, and the best one at that—Even did not have full reign on claiming that title.

So, the boredom was settling in. Isak had given up on gaming after being beaten by Jonas six times and was sitting against the wall on his bed, scrolling through a meme account on Instagram. Mahdi was now annihilating Jonas at FIFA, and Magnus was moaning over the tragedy that was his life and his lack of ability to get a girl once again.

“I mean, I really thought Vilde would be one of those provocative sex kittens because she was so open about hooking up in front of us that one time, remember? She was giving me all the signs with the meowing and everything—”

Wait, what. “Wait, _what_?” He voiced, looking up from his phone. Isak didn’t know whether or not he actually wanted to know, but Magnus’ cat obsession had gone way too far if it was bleeding into his sex life. “Sex kitten? Meowing? What the fuck?”

Magnus ignored his questions and continued with his rant. “—but when we were finally alone, she was so quiet! I didn’t know what to do! I was kind of hoping that she would lead since she’s, _y’know_ , the more experienced one, but she gave me nothing to work with! Fuck, I totally screwed this up. It must’ve been shit, right? Is that why she hasn’t texted me back yet?” 

Mahdi apparently decided that was enough and paused the game on the screen. “Ugh, Magnus. Enough already. We’ve heard you go on about this for a whole week now. She’s probably just busy, man.”

Jonas joined Mahdi by throwing his controller on the floor and attempted to reassure Magnus after taking note of his anxious demeanor. “Yeah, bro, relax. She’ll reply to your texts eventually. It’s Christmastime and she’s with family.” Then he paused, thinking, and said in a worried tone, “And anyway, are you sure that Vilde would be okay with you telling us all this stuff? Isn’t that kind of private?”

“Uh, hello?” Magnus defended himself, “Didn’t you hear her when she was going off about who should have sex with who at Nissen? She’s open about hooking up, obviously she doesn’t care!” 

Isak sighed exasperatedly, finally closing the Instagram app and putting his phone down. He had prayed that he wouldn’t have to entertain this conversation, but it had been thirty minutes now and this had gone on for far too long. “She’ll reply eventually. And even if she doesn’t, we’ll find you someone new to hook-up with at Eva’s New Year’s Eve party. We’ll take turns being your wingman. It’s chill.”

Magnus did not find that chill. He remained dejected, lying on the bed facing the ceiling with a pitiful look on his face. Despite how much Isak loved cracking jokes at his friend's expense, he didn’t exactly enjoy seeing him sad. The weed didn’t seem to be helping his mood, either. “Yeah, I guess. I really was excited about her, though. I thought maybe I’d finally found someone who was hot and kinky. She loves _cats_ , guys. I thought that was a sign."

Jonas patted Magnus’ leg in a sign of comfort, recognizing the feeling of heartache. “Trust me, there are plenty of girls out there who are hot _and_ kinky. And anyway, you thinking that about Vilde’s preferences was probably just you projecting your fantasies onto her after those dominatrix sex dreams.”

The boys laughed, but Isak was confused. “Kinky? What does that mean?”

Jonas looked at him incredulously. “ _Kødder du_? You’ve never heard of the word kinky before?”

Magnus looked positively elated by this fact, perking up for the first time since he entered the apartment. “Holy shit, guys! I know more than Isak about sex for once!”

Okay, no. Isak was not going to sit here and get dragged by _Magnus_ of all people, pity be damned. “Magnus, you know one word that I don't. That's not knowing more about sex. That's just proof that you’ve spent less time actually having sex, and more time with Google and your right hand.”

Mahdi snorted. “Man has a point.”

“No, but I’m actually shocked that you don’t know what that is,” Jonas said, bringing them back to the point. “Basically, it refers to something someone likes sexually. Like, when you have sex and there’s one particular thing that you like more than normal.”

Isak thought about this, vaguely recalling one horrific night ages ago when he had accidentally clicked on a site for gay men with twink fetishes. That was not an enjoyable experience. 

“Uh, okay…” He said uneasily. He was still a bit uncomfortable speaking explicitly about sex now that the guys knew it was _men_ he wanted to have sex with, not women. Then, remembering Magnus’ earlier comments, he snickered to himself. “So what you’ll telling me is… Magnus has cat kink? Sex kittens and meowing, oi, oi!”

Jonas and Mahdi burst into laughter.

“ _Nei_ , it wasn’t like that!” Magnus yelled defensively. “That’s not something I have a kink for. If you want an example of something people like as kinks, Vilde told me before we had sex that Chris Berg liked when guys—”

“Jesus Christ, too much information,” he said disgustedly in English, stopping Magnus before he spoke further. “Whatever, I’ll look it up by myself later if I’m actually curious. I don’t exactly want to know what Chris Berg’s kinks are.”  

“Guess we know who’ll be using Google and his right hand later tonight,” Magnus said wickedly, looking pleased with himself when Mahdi and Jonas laughed once again.

Isak rolled his eyes and smirked. “See, that would be funny if I actually needed my right hand. But Even is coming over tonight, so _technically_ , I’ve got four. Jokes on you.”

 

*** * ***

 

Despite Isak having played off the conversation earlier, his mind would not drift from the word. The boys were gone and he still had a good two hours before Even came over, so he resorted to what he always did when he had questions but was too freaked to ask a living human being.

“Google,” Isak typed into the search bar after grabbing his laptop and clicking on his browser of choice. Then, he hesitated. He knew that the web could be a merciless place, but in the end his curiosity won over and he couldn’t resist. _Fuck it_ , he thought, searching, “What is a kink?”

Thankfully, Wikipedia was one of the first five options which was usually a safe bet. But he still had questions after looking at that article, so he returned to the search results. And after that, to Tumblr. And with that, Isak fell down the rabbit hole that was a world of kink.

 

*** * ***

 

It was 21:12 and Isak’s mind was reeling. He laid face up on his bed, red snapback covering his face, laptop forgotten on the floor beside his bed.

After his brutal search for the true meaning of kink, he had come across a lot of crazy shit. He didn’t know what to think. He had only recently begun dating Even. Even was his first serious boyfriend. But Even had been in a serious relationship for _years_. Even was older than him by two and a half years. He was so sure of himself and his sexuality and Isak wasn’t, and he truly envied that.

He barely knew which socks to wear every morning to school, or what brand of ramen he would buy at the grocery that week. He usually picked the cleanest looking ones, or the brand on sale. He was clueless, barely surviving through life. He didn’t know anything. He didn’t know what he wanted. Fuck, he really needed to figure out what he wanted. Even was so sure of his wants and his needs and if he discovered that Isak wasn’t, he might leave and—

His bedroom door opened without warning. It was too early for Even to be here, so he figured it was Eskild as Noora and Linn usually respected his privacy when the door was closed. “Ugh, Eskild, I can’t deal with you right now. I’m having a crisis and I need to be alone,” he moaned, distressed.

“About what?” said a curious voice beside his bed. Shit, that was not Eskild. “Sorry, I came back early. I texted you when I was outside but you weren’t checking your phone, so Noora let me in.”

Distress forgotten, he quickly moved the snapback off his face and backwards onto his head and smiled, turning to kiss his boyfriend in greeting. But Even wasn’t looking at him, focused on the open laptop on the floor beside his bed.

 _ABORT. ABORT. ABORT._ Sirens rang off in Isak’s head, but he couldn’t move. All he could do was stare wide-eyed in horror as Even picked up his laptop and squinted at the screen in confusion.

“Isak…” Even said in an innocent, amused tone. “Is there something you’d like to discuss with me?”

“Fuck. Shit. That’s not what you think it is,” he said quickly, attempting to do damage control.

“Well, I don’t know what else it could be,” Even said reasonably. “[It’s a sex map](http://www.humansexmap.com). It says so at the top. But I’m just confused about where you found it? And how? And why?” 

“ _Ugh_. It’s. I was just,” He stuttered. How did he manage to find himself in these situations? This could only happen to him. “The boys were just. They were over earlier.”

“Okay…” Even dragged the word out, looking at him patiently. And fuck, Isak did not deserve someone with the patience of Even. He was a saint. An angel from above.

Isak couldn’t take his internal dilemma anymore so he burst out, “Magnus was complaining about Vilde again and then they were talking about sex and kinks and I didn’t know what kinks were so they tried explaining it to me but then they started talking about Chris Berg and what she liked during sex and that was not something I wanted to hear and I don’t like talking about sex so I just told them I’d look it up later and when I looked it up and I ended up on Wikipedia and Tumblr and people were talking about all kinds of weird stuff and someone linked this in a Reddit post so I was looking at it and—stop staring at me like that!”

Even looked at him exasperatedly from his stance beside his bed. “Move over,” he commanded, “You’re acting like I caught you watching animal porn. Or something creepier. You were just looking up kinks. It’s really not that odd.”

Isak moved over, pouting as Even pulled him to his chest after he laid beside him. One of Even’s hands moved into his hair, the other slipping around his waist and under his shirt, skin meeting skin, cold meeting warmth. Isak moved his arm around Even’s midsection, doing the same. 

“Ugh, your hands are all cold from being outside,” Isak muttered just to be difficult, despite not being annoyed at all. 

“Oh, okay. I’ll just move them then,” Even teased.

“ _Nooooo_. I didn’t mean it, come back.”

Even chuckled, kissing the crown of his head fondly and moving his hands back under his t-shirt. Isak tucked his head into the crook of Even’s neck, kissing beside his Adam’s apple. He had missed him and it had only been a couple hours. God, he had turned into a total sap. Jonas would be ashamed of him. 

“ _Halla_. How was your night with the boys?”

“It was good,” Isak murmured, getting comfortable. Even wasn’t going to bring it up. He was going to respect that Isak was too uncomfortable to discuss kinks with him and _fuck_ , Isak really did _not_ deserve him. “How was your cousin’s birthday party?”

This lead Even off on a tangent of how his cousin’s party was great but none of them had decent taste in movies and preferred the new Batman movie over the Christopher Nolan trilogy, so Even was forced into watching that trainwreck because he was related to people who did not have taste, which was _a travesty, Isak, honestly_.

Isak listened to his story, chuckling at Even’s dramatic retelling of the movie and how his cousin liked strawberries in cakes, which was disgusting, and how could he be related to people with no taste in movies taste _or_ dessert?

“Almost worse than being related to Donald Trump,” Even teased softly, nudging his nose against Isak’s curls.

“Almost,” Isak agreed, chuckling.

Then, there was silence. Even and Isak lying in bed, spent after a long day apart, breathing each other in. 

“I was just curious,” he said quietly, after the silence became too much and he had worked up the courage.

Even didn’t need clarification as to what he was referring to. “It’s good to be curious. It’s good to know what you like,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I know. I’ve just never had someone to talk about it with before, so I overreacted a little when you saw that webpage open.” 

“Really?” Even sounded surprised. “You’ve never talked about it with the boys? Or Eskild?”

“Not really. I mean, I’ve discussed it vaguely with them. But not explicitly, that’s too weird for me.”

“Well, if we’re going to be dating, it’s good to have open discussion and communication about those things,” Even said confidently. “Communication is key. And it’s good to talk about what you want.”

Isak thought about this for a while. “Okay,” he managed in a small voice. “It might be hard for me, but I’ll try. It isn’t easy for me. But I’m trying, and it’s surprisingly easy for me to talk to you.”

“I know,” Even murmured, rubbing the small of his back under his shirt, fingers skirting softly over and then pressing into his back dimples. “No pressure. And good, about it being easy to talk to me. Communication about sex is definitely something I’d like to implement in our relationship.”

“Implement?” Isak snorted. “So formal. Anything else you’d like to request? You’ll need to make an official appeal for future changes, but for this one I’ll let it slide.”

“Yes, actually, I’d also like to request a _no clothes behind closed doors_ policy. My secretary is on it, paperwork will be in on Tuesday.”

Isak giggled. “We’ll see how that one tides over. I’m afraid it won’t pass. If it did, I would fail all my exams. There’s no way I could resist you if we were never clothed.” He moved his head out of the crook of Even’s neck and smiled up at him.

Even looked down at the same time and their eyes locked. Fondness met sweetness.

Then, undoubtedly, Even’s face moved closer and their noses rubbed together teasingly before lips slid between each other easily. It felt so simple to be beside Even and kiss him without rush or expectation of more—just easy, smooth kissing. Tongues flickering against one another, lips moving between lips, sharp teeth catching soft lips every once in awhile. Isak sighed in pure contentment. 

Eventually, they shifted. Even moved his lips to Isak’s cheekbone, then to his earlobe, then to his neckbone. Even bit down teasingly on the flesh and Isak felt his breath catch involuntarily. He loved this.

Even sucked down Isak’s neck sweetly until he reached the bottom, moving his hand from under Isak’s back to his chest, pushing down the neckline of the shirt to brand a hickey underneath his collarbone. The other hand remained on Isak’s head, fisting into his curls gently. Isak went dizzy with it all, loving the attention. 

“Isak,” Even murmured heatedly against his chest. “ _Isak_. Is this something you like?” 

Isak felt his heart skip a beat. “What,” he choked out.

“Do you like this?” Even asked, teasingly biting down on Isak’s neck. “Do you like when I do this to you?”

 _Fuck_ , what was Even on about? “Do what?” He asked breathily, knowing exactly what Even was doing to him.

Even didn’t reply, moving his hands to the bottom of Isak’s shirt and then off it went. Isak was under him without a shirt on, and it was still so new that Isak felt lightheaded with arousal seeing Even above him with that heated look on his face.

Even moved to kiss the hickey he had blemished onto Isak’s skin beneath his neck. He continued lower and lower until he got to a nipple and breathed hotly over it. 

He didn’t move. He wouldn’t move. He just kept breathing, still over it. Isak wiggled beneath him. “ _Even_ ,” he pleaded.

Again, Even didn’t reply, but he did move. His mouth touched Isak’s skin, kissing his nipple wetly, the nub between his plush lips. He sucked it sweetly into his mouth, teeth catching it when he let go. Isak moaned deeply and Even went to repeat the action, wanting to draw the same sound out of him once again. One hand on the back of Isak’s neck in his curls, the other hand catching the other nipple between his thumb and index finger. Isak opened his eyes to look down, mouth dropping open when he saw how obscene the sight was. It was too much and not enough all at once. 

Even stopped. “ _Isak_. Respond to me. Do you like this?” Even demanded in a rough voice, teeth biting down again.

“Yes, yes,” Isak panted heavily. “I like it. _Please._ ” 

“Please what?” Even smirked into his skin, moving his hand from his nipple and rubbing into his stomach soothingly. 

“You know _what_ , Even, don’t be difficult,” Isak sighed exasperatedly.

“I don’t know what you want. Tell me, and I’ll give it to you,” he said persuasively.

And that was Even’s trick all along, wasn’t it? He was testing Isak to see if he could tease it out of him. Damn him, honestly. Isak couldn’t even think straight, and Even was here conning him into communicating. How long had they been kissing?

“Please. Please touch me,” Isak whispered, dissolving as he begged, “Fuck, _please_.” 

“Shh, baby, it’s okay,” Even soothed, “I’ll touch you, I promise.”

Isak breathed in relief as he felt Even shift his hand over his jeans, melting into the mattress. Even had showed him tonight that he was definitely going to be insistent on this open communication thing.

Little did Isak know, that was only the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek. It’s a bit incredible to me that I’m here writing this. I’ve been reading fanfics for almost nine years, and the last time I had written for a fandom was when I was just barely entering my teen years! 
> 
> Slightly daunting that this has turned out to be the first fic I’m working on as it was (1) the last idea to truly come to mind and (2) about sex, which is honestly a bit difficult for all authors to write (and get right at the same time). But alas, here I am, writing a multichapter fic about two boys and their sex lives. 
> 
> I am all for people embracing their sexuality and the concept of casual sex, but I also believe that sex can be incredibly intimate with the person you love, especially entering your first “real” relationship. I also think communication about sex in relationships is really important, so I wanted to project that onto these two and their relationship. So that’s essentially what this is about! I love constructive criticism so if you have any, please share. Expect an update in four days!


	2. no we without you and i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **CHAPTER WARNINGS** :  
> Nothing especially kinky yet. The boys are just beginning to explore what they like, so (spoiler alert): some spooning, kissing, teasing, grinding, and two orgasms (yay).

**TORSDAG** , 5 januar 2017, 12:15  
_Hartvig Nissens skole_

_  
_

It was a typical weekday at Nissen and Isak was annoyed. He had forgotten to bring lunch that day and thus, was forced into choosing between either starving or waiting in line at the canteen. Sadly, it was pizza day, so the line was absolutely ridiculous. Not so sadly, it was pizza day. Self-explanatory.

After paying a few crowns, he took a look around the room and spotted Jonas sitting at a table with Eva, Vilde, and Magnus. On the other side of the room he could see Sana, Noora, and Mahdi with their laptops out, most likely working on the group project for _Norsk_ class that he had heard Mahdi complaining about.

He made his way over to Jonas and claimed one of the two empty seats beside him, nodding in acknowledgement to everyone at the table. Eva and Magnus were in the middle of a heated argument about who in their friend group should throw the next big party—Eva seemed to be putting her foot down because her house had been trashed yet again during her New Year’s Eve party, but Magnus argued that that only indicated her parties were bound to be legendary. Shaking his head at the conversation, he pulled out his phone, checking the time and quickly sending a text to Even inquiring about his whereabouts.

When he looked up, the table was quiet and Eva’s eyes were on him. “I’m surprised to see you without your stud of a boyfriend,” she said with a smirk on her face. “You’re attached at the hip nowadays.”

The rest of the table grinned at him, but he was not having it. He shot Eva an unimpressed look, saying, “I just got out of class. And I’m not with him all the time.”

“Okay, okay, defensive much?” Eva said, holding up her hands to signal for Isak to stand down. Isak ignored her, taking a bite of his pizza and closing his eyes at the savoury taste. “I have something juicy to tell you, though. I was at my locker and there was a group of girls gossiping about you and Even. Something about plotting to get you to come to one of their parties. They seemed really keen on making it happen.”

He swallowed and wiped his mouth. “Ugh,” Isak muttered, rolling his eyes. “Those dancing chicks. They came up to me before the break and invited me to a party just because they think our relationship is ‘cute’. I don’t get it at all.”

Eva looked confused at that too. “That _is_ weird.”

“They’re hot though,” Magnus offered. Jonas nodded in agreement beside him.

Vilde looked shocked by the words coming out of Isak’s mouth. “ _What_ ,” she said in her high-pitched voice, affronted. “If they invited you to their party, you should go! All the popular kids go to them, it would be great for your reputation. Who cares about the reason she’s inviting you?”

Isak looked at her, unsurprised by the reaction. “I’m not going. It’s weird, and they don’t really know me.”

Vilde looked a bit too offended on behalf of the dancers, but then she said excitedly, “Well, if you’re not going, could you at least get me invited?”

“Me too!” Magnus jumped in excitedly.

Vilde visibly deflated at that, not exactly seeming thrilled with this addition. Over the break she had replied to his text saying that while she had enjoyed their time together, she didn’t think it should happen again. Isak sympathized with Magnus, but the boys had hooked him up with a random first year at the party like they had promised, so he wasn’t exactly doing badly for himself either.

Isak rolled his eyes again and said in a grumpy tone, “Whatever, we’ll see.”

Everyone’s eyes moved to something behind Isak. Before he turned to see what they were looking at, a voice whispered smoothly in his ear, “We’ll see about what?”

Isak smiled dopily and turned to look at Even. “ _Halla_ ,” he said with a fond look on his face. His boyfriend simply smiled sweetly in response, dropping in the empty seat next to him and picking up Isak’s half-eaten pizza to take a bite of his own.

“ _Halla_ ,” Even said brightly to the table after swallowing. “What are we talking about?”

Vilde was about to reply, probably to use Even to convince him to snag her an invite to a party, but Eva cut in before her. “Um, am I the only one that noticed what just happened there?”

“Nope,” Jonas answered her. “I’ve been noticing for the past two months. It’s like a natural reaction, he doesn’t even realize it.”

Isak scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion before asking them, “What are you two talking about this time?”

They shared a look before Eva explained to him in an amused voice, “You completely changed as soon as Even arrived. It was like you shifted personalities. From complete grump to pile of goo in three seconds flat.”

“Zero to one hundred, real quick,” Jonas added in English with a smile.

“It’s cute, don’t worry,” Eva said reassuringly.

“ _What_?” Isak sputtered, embarrassed. “I don’t do that! What the fuck? I don’t have any kind of reaction. And I’m not a grump, or cute. I’m normal. There’s no change when Even is around. I’m the exact same around him!”

Even looked on, amused at Isak’s defensiveness, but Isak didn’t get what was so funny.

“I have to agree with them, bro, sorry,” Magnus shrugged unhelpfully. Vilde, looking entertained by the turn of conversation, nodded in consensus with the rest of the group.

“Ugh,” Isak mumbled, having nothing better to say. He shoved the rest of his pizza in his mouth to give himself something to do. Then he glanced at Even, who seemed more than content with staying silent, pursed lips hiding a small smile.

Under the table, Even’s foot nudged his own in sign of silent comfort, hooking their ankles together. Isak wanted to shove him away just to be petty, but instead he could feel an unwanted blush slowly creeping onto his face. He willed it away silently, but he was unsuccessful by the fondly amused looked Eva and Jonas were shooting him.  
  


*** * *  
**   


**TORSDAG** , 5 januar 2017, 22:34  
_Kollektivet_

_  
_

Isak spent his evening studying diligently for his biology quiz next week with Even lying on the floor beside him, working on research for his media class. It was usually difficult to get schoolwork done when they were together, but Isak had stood his ground when Even attempted to distract him after dinner, saying with a tone of determination, _school is important, we can do this_. He didn't want to spend half of their relationship apart because they couldn't be in the same room when they were working.

After three hours of textbook readings and questions, Isak closed his book and announced to the room, “I got a six on my last practice quiz. I want a prize.”

Even didn't bother looking up from his laptop and answered in a distracted tone, “When I’m done my presentation, babe, I’m making a breakthrough here.”

“I don't want to wait for my prize. I’ve already picked it. I want to be cuddled, and I want it now.”

Even looked up in amusement at that. “I’m doing something, Isak.”

“If I don't get cuddled I’m going to scream.”

Even rolled eyes so hard it looked like it hurt. “You're ridiculous. Sometimes I wonder who's really the more dramatic one in this relationship.”

Isak was indignant but it was Eskild that replied for him, shouting from outside the semi-shut bedroom door, “You’re both equally dramatic. I’m surprised your relationship has yet to combust considering how much drama is shared between the two of you. Now, please, stop being sickeningly adorable and have respect for us singleton gays who don't miraculously find love on the first try.”

“If we’re dramatic, I don't want to know what Eskild is,” Isak muttered privately to Even.

Even, projecting his voice toward the door, said laughingly, “Sorry Eskild, we’re going to sleep now. Goodnight!”

“Goodnight, my sweet little god kittens!”

“God kittens?” Isak mouthed when Even looked over at Isak amused. “What is up with the people in my life and their obsession with cats?”

“If you had a cat, you would be obsessed too. Then you wouldn't have to beg me for cuddles because you’d have a kitten to cuddle instead.”

“Excuse me, that’s a lie,” Isak scoffed, “It’s scientifically proven that cats are Satan’s animal; it would claw my eyeballs out!”

Even snorted. “I hope you know that your label as ‘most dramatic’ is only being solidified as you continue to open your mouth.”

“ _Even_ ,” he whined, sitting up cross-legged on his bed. He knew that he was being a brat, but Even had spent the past three nights at his parents house and he was dead tired. All he wanted to do was fall asleep in his boyfriend’s arms tonight. And maybe if the mood was right he could try his hand at a sleepy blowjob. He was waiting to see how the night went.

“Fine, fine. I’m done for tonight anyway,” Even sighed, powering off his laptop. “Let's go brush our teeth before you claim your winnings. You had some weird garlic paste on your toast earlier.”

“ _What_?” Isak certainly did not squeak, he was too manly for that. “I don't appreciate you implying that my breath smells like anything but daisies.”

Even didn't bother entertaining him with a response, collecting his papers and putting his stuff away in his backpack. Isak made his way over to the bathroom in the meantime, beginning his night routine of a quick face wash.

After a bit, Even joined him. They stood brushing their teeth side by side, glancing at each other in the mirror and smiling around their toothbrushes. At this, Isak got an idea and took out his phone as he continued to brush, opening his Snapchat app with his free hand. Even huddled closer to him, wanting to see what he was doing, and caught on when Isak held the phone up to the mirror with a smile. They both pulled a face for the picture, Isak crossing his eyes and Even unnaturally exaggerating his smile.

He saved the picture because it was kind of cute, and sent the Snapchat to Eva and Jonas with the caption, “[Who am I?](https://www.instagram.com/p/97Eh0RD61N/)”

He finished up his brushing and gargled with some mouthwash while he put his phone down and waited for their replies. Even silently joined him, using his personal products that he had begun to keep in the bathroom as well.

After a while, his phone lit up, and he held back a smile when he saw the notifications come in right after one another.

 **evamohn2** : Haha, very funny.

 **jonas9000** : Not me, that’s for sure. Not cool enough.

Even moved behind him to crowd into him, placing his arms on either side of his body, palms flat against the countertops. He rested his chin on Isak’s shoulder to watch him reply to Jonas simply with the middle finger emoji.

Isak looked up after he shut off his phone and met Even’s smiling eyes in the mirror. Even was so tall, hair soft and lacking product, and all Isak wanted to do was run his hands through it and mess it up a bit. Even turned his head to snipe at Isak’s earlobe and whispered teasingly into it, “Man of my dreams.”

Isak giggled, shoving Even off of him to make his way out of the bathroom. Even followed and shut the bedroom door behind him when they were both inside. Together, they shed their clothes until they were down to their boxers, and made their way under the bedsheets of Isak’s bed.

“Ready to collect your prize?”

“Yes, please,” Isak said softly, and requested, “Little spoon tonight.”

They shifted into position and Isak’s body melted into Even’s when it pressed against his back. Even wrapped him in his arms and pulled him close, burying his face in Isak’s blond curls. Despite not being able to see Even’s expression, Isak knew he was smiling, too.

“So,” Even started after a period of silence, “About today at school.”

“What about it?”

“During lunch. Your friends were teasing you about how different you are around me,” Even reminded him.

“Oh.” Isak had been thinking about that too. “I didn't realize that I was different around you, to be honest.”

“I was thinking about it. I don't know. You’re still you around me—grumpy, defensive, dramatic. But you’re a bit softer.”

“Yeah,” Isak said quietly, “I think I'm at ease when you’re there. I feel more like myself. You calm me, in a way. I don't feel as scared to be who I am with you by my side.”

Even went silent at this. Then said a ragged voice in his ear, “ _God_ , Isak. That was one of the most romantic things you’ve ever said to me.”

“Shut up,” he muttered. “You’re using sleepy cuddles to get these cheesy lines out of me. Remember them forever because I won’t repeat them willingly.”

“I doubt that, but I will anyway,” Even promised him with a smile in his voice. “Can I tell you something, though?”

“Always.”

“I kind of like that you only get that way around me,” Even confided while smoothing his hand over Isak’s stomach. “It makes me feel a bit special.”

He huffed, smiling at the confession. “I’m not surprised.”

Even’s voice went soft. “I like that you’re my little spoon. The one I can hold and take care of.”

“Hmm,” Isak sighed decadently and closed his eyes, snuggling further into Even’s body.

“You’re mine, Isak. To kiss and touch.” Even pressed a open-mouthed kiss to the back of Isak’s neck.

“Yes,” he whispered in reply.

Isak could feel the sharpness of his teeth against his neck. “I like you like this,” Even said lowly. He brought his hand up to Isak’s hipbone and trailed it along his side, pressing into the smooth skin of Isak’s torso. “You feel so sweet, curling into me.”

Isak swallowed thickly. Even continued to mouth at him, kissing him wetly with his full lips, and he felt a rough tongue against the length of his neck.

Then, Even fixated on a spot and started to suck, wanting to bruise the skin and in turn, eliciting a sweet moan from Isak. “ _Mmm_.”

He brought a hand to Isak’s nipple, grazing over it gently with his fingernail. Isak felt his breath hitch.

Even hummed and murmured, “So sensitive here, aren’t you, baby?” He flicked his fingernail again, and Isak heard himself whimpering.

Their bodies were flush together under the blankets. Even took his time touching him, moving his fingers slowly but tightly against Isak’s stomach, then back up to his nipples. The drag of his nails felt perfect, but it only made Isak want more.

Even seemed to agree, taking hold of his hip and pressing firmly against his ass so that Isak could feel him hot and hard through his boxers. He returned the thrust blindly and heard a groan in response.

Isak felt himself begin tremble. He tried turn in his arms, to kiss him and see if he was just as affected by what they were doing, but Even stopped him, whispering in his ear, “No, no, just like this.”

Isak complied, welcoming the slow grind of Even’s hips against his back, because if Even wanted to continue moving against him, touching his body, kissing his neck and his ear and anywhere he could reach, he was not going to be the one to stop him.

He thrived off the roll of Even’s hips, breath shuddering after a particularly firm thrust. He whined, long and high in his throat, a needy sound.

“ _God_ , Isak, you should hear yourself right now,” Even breathed into his neck. “You sound so fucking good.”

Isak gasped at his words. Fuck, Even really loved to talk during sex, didn’t he? He wasn’t going to complain, though. He could feel himself harden in his boxers at the deep drawl of Even’s voice, a voice that came out only when Even was aroused.

Even continued grinding into him, trailing his fingers down the muscles of Isak’s abdomen, and then lightly dragged his fingertips along the length of Isak’s cock.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck_. He wanted it so badly. He sobbed, desperate for it, but Even shushed him, whispering into his hair, “I’m going to make this so good for you, baby, just wait.”

He spoke with a tone of promise, a promise that had yet to be made, and it made Isak shiver in anticipation.

Even continued with the teasing drawl of his fingers, pressing down gently when he finally reached the tip. Then, he wrapped his hand around it through the thin layer of clothes, and squeezed firmly.

Isak moaned, thriving in the added pressure, but still needing more. This was the slowest form of torture, and Even was going to kill him. “Even, please,” he pleaded weakly, “I just. I need you to just. _Please_.”

Even decided to stop teasing, raising a foot to help his hands remove the remnants of Isak’s clothes, shucking them to the side after they were down. Isak heard a slight rustling behind him, and then.

Then, Even pressed behind him, and all Isak could do was gasp because Even had removed his boxers too.

“ _Yes_ ,” Isak hissed encouragingly, and finally, _finally_ , Even wrapped his hand, slick with spit from his mouth, tightly around where he needed him the most. He moaned from the feel of rough hands against his cock, pulling at the best pace, a pace designed to destroy him through both pain and pleasure.

Isak yearned to see Even’s face and his beautiful smile, but there was something incredibly thrilling about the way Even was rutting unashamedly against him, as if he no longer seemed to have control over the movement in his body. He could hear Even's short breaths in his ear while his hand tugged relentlessly at Isak’s cock, an added bonus to the position.

Isak dropped open his mouth, panting hard into the air as Even continued to get them both off, and all Isak could do was grind back on Even’s dick which was resting hot against Isak’s ass.

“ _Yeah_ , baby, keep doing that,” Even requested breathlessly, as if he was in awe of him, as if he wasn’t the one doing most of the work in this scenario. “So fucking hot like this, Isak. So hot.”

God, Isak loved the way he said his name when he was turned on. It sounded dirtier, rougher, and fucking perfect.

“Remember,” Even started, voice straining and sounding pained, “Remember when you were looking at kinks a few weeks ago?”

Why the fuck was Even bringing that up now? “Uh, yeah,” Isak barely choked out.

Even felt so close like this, like their bodies were melding together. He rubbed a thumb over the tip of Isak’s cock, using the pre-come to smoothen the way his hand was stroking him.

“ _Fuck_. I think I have a kink for this position,” Even confessed, voice deep and gritty and _what_.

Isak was close, he was almost there, and Even was almost there too. He could audibly hear the change in pace of his breathing into his ear, warm and staggering. Even liked this position, he thought it was hot, he liked doing this to Isak’s body and moving helplessly against him and—

Even bit down sharply at his bare shoulder, coming against his back, forcing Isak to cry out and tipping him over the edge as well.

Silence. Breathing. Peace.

Isak laid still, eyes closed, soaking in the afterglow. He could feel Even move away from him and heard the sound of him opening and closing his bedside table, likely to grab tissues, and then Even cleaned them both up. He got up to throw them away, and returned back to the bed, finally curling against Isak once more.

Isak breathed deeply and opened his eyes, finally turning to face him. His eyes were heavy and his limbs were loose and he felt a rush of unadulterated happiness when he finally met Even’s eyes and his smiling face.

Isak took Even’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers, and brought their joined hands to his bow-shaped lips, kissing each of his knuckles. Even moved his head next to his on the pillow and slotted their lips together in a sweet kiss. It vaguely registered in Isak’s mind that they had not kissed once during what had just occurred, but he felt closer to him than ever before.

Smiling against his lips, they broke apart. Isak played with Even’s fingers, thinking about what he said.

It was hard to get out, but Even wanted him to communicate about sex, so he was going to try. He said quietly, “I have a question.”

“Hmm,” Even said vaguely, eyes skirting over his face.

“It’s about the kink thing, what you just said.”

“Sure,” he said patiently. “Go ahead.”

“I just…” He struggled, not knowing exactly how to articulate himself. “I thought kinks were supposed to be more extreme. I feel like that was too tame to be a kink.”

Even held back a smile and said in a mock-offended voice, “I wouldn’t describe what we just did as tame. It was pretty hot, actually.”

Isak quickly backtracked. “ _Nei_ , not like that. That was the wrong word. Obviously it was great for me too. Phenomenal. I meant…” he trailed off, not knowing how to explain.

“I’m kidding, I knew what you meant.” Even took a breath and thought for a while, as if he knew that what he was about to say would be important. “I think kinks are really personal. Or at least that’s my opinion of the concept. When I think of kinks, my mind doesn’t instantly go to the extremes, like blindfolding or tying you up…”

Even paused, then said in a teasing voice, “Not that I’m entirely _opposed_ to those ideas—” Isak rolled his eyes fondly and a grin broke free, “—but kinks could mean other things too. They’re just what I especially like more than others.”

Isak questioned that statement aloud. “Like what?”

Even’s eyes were bright and sparkling when they met his. He moved his face into Isak’s neck and in a deep, suggestive voice, said, “Like when you start to get all desperate for it.” He bit down firmly on the tendon of Isak’s neck, breathing hotly against him. “Especially toward the end, when you’re about to come. It gets me hard knowing that I can make you feel that way—knowing that you’re feeling like that because of me and what I’m doing to you. You know?”

Isak’s body had an instant reaction to Even’s words, immediately heating, the hairs on his neck standing up, heart rate accelerating. He could feel himself twitch beneath the duvet as if he wanted to go hard again, but it was too soon. Even’s body was close enough to him that he felt it, so he moved his face from Isak’s neck to give him a look that said so many things, from _I want to see your soul,_ to _I want to be inside you,_ to _I want to give you everything you have ever wanted_. Isak was powerless to that look.

He gave Even a dimpled smile and whispered shyly, “I know. It’s the same for me.”

He tilted his chin up in askance of a kiss, and Even indulged him like he always did. His lips were full, beautiful, and real; they were something Isak could never grow tired of, he felt that fact in his very bones.

After they parted, Isak brought his face close, their noses aligned but lips not touching. Even closed his eyes. Finally, it was time to sleep. Until Isak opened his mouth and said playfully, “So… about the blindfolding…”

Even started tickling Isak, laughing fondly at Isak’s own giggles. Then, they stopped, began breathing steadily, and fell into a deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long endnote ahead! See you all at the next update! I’m super excited for the next chapter because it has one of my personal favourite kinks in it. Can anyone guess what it is? Read on if you like listening to me ramble. Sorry, I talk a lot. 
> 
> I took the time the other night to outline this and the “kinks” I plan to explore, so yes, it will be sixteen chapters long. I know this one wasn’t super kinky, but I agree with Even; kinks don’t always need to be extreme. That being said, that does not mean that intense stuff will not be happening, because it will. Or at least intense by my standards and I’m a fairly kinky person, if I do say so myself.
> 
> I wanted to write this fic not to write smut scenes, but to show the importance of sex and communication and how those two things in combination can be used to strengthen relationships. Therefore, there will be domesticity, there will be scenes with their friends, there will be self-reflection, et cetera. I would personally feel odd writing a fic with no plot, and maybe I’m just trying to be fake deep while writing smut but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ dealwithit.gif.
> 
> Finally but most importantly, I’m genuinely so incredibly flattered by the response to the last chapter. Thank you to everyone who gave this fic a chance, left kudos, and/or bookmarked. An extra special thank you to those who left a comment or messaged on my tumblr—I was so much more motivated to write after seeing your lovely messages!


	3. and we are one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **CHAPTER WARNINGS** :  
> Discussions of mental illness. This chapter also includes (spoiler alert): hair pulling, finger sucking, praise kink, and two orgasms facilitated by hand.

**MANDAG** , 30 januar 2017  
_Hartvig Nissens skole_

 

Even was being weird.

Isak had woken up at 7:00, which was abnormal because he usually could not get out of bed more than twenty minutes before school. On top of that he was in a _fantastic_ mood—and he should not be considered a morning person, by any means.

As a result, he was able to take his time getting ready that morning. This was not a luxury he often had and it was the primary reason he constantly wore snapbacks or beanies over his hair. Isak figured he might as well put some extra effort into himself today, if only because he had nothing else to do.

So he styled his curls in his trademarked Prince Hair with the assistance of the hair products that he pretended he did not own (in order to maintain his “I don’t care about my appearance, this is effortless” image). He picked out his favourite navy blue button up shirt that had red detailing at the collar and wrists and a pair of lighter blue skinny jeans, and when he looked in the mirror that morning, he felt confident. That in itself put him in an even better mood; he felt lighthearted, his assignments were completed, he was acing all his classes, he ate a well-balanced breakfast, packed a lunch big enough to feed two, and he was excited to see his boyfriend who he had not seen since Friday. In other words, he was feeling _good_.

It was a Monday. Accordingly, it was inevitable that today would begin to suck at some point, but he didn’t think it would be so soon. If he considered the facts at face value, what was happening should not be bothersome. But what those facts could mean, beneath face value, was what made him worried.

Even was just acting really fucking strangely.

 

*** * ***

 

In hindsight, it started with Isak at his locker picking up his books for his first few classes of the day, although he didn’t think much of the instance at the time.

As he shut his locker and put his books in his bag, he glanced up and saw him. It had been a long and lonely weekend, so forgive him for the borderline comical smile that graced his features when his eyes met Even’s. He put on his best chill act, leaning against his locker casually, as if he wasn’t about to burst at the seams at the sight of his favourite person.

Even was no better. His blue eyes slowly moved along Isak’s body up to his face as he made his way toward him, and when he got there a dazzling smile took over. “ _Halla_ ,” Even breathed out, as though they had been parted for months.

“ _Hei_ ,” Isak said with an unabashedly fond grin, and he reached out for his hand, intertwining their fingers together. Even was unsurprisingly gorgeous and his palm was warm from the gloves he was likely wearing before he entered the building. His hair was quiffed and parted stylistically and he was wearing the biggest, comfiest forest green sweater underneath his black jacket.

He wanted to bury himself in his boyfriend’s arms; he seemed so cozy. Isak felt privileged to be allowed to just look at his face. He couldn’t help but survey the hallway to make sure that no one was paying attention, and leaned forward to give Even a quick kiss.

Even had other ideas in mind, tilting his head and opening his mouth to deepen the kiss and slip in some tongue. Isak sighed contentedly and opened his mouth instinctively and then abruptly pulled back, remembering that they were public. Even usually didn’t push with the public displays of affection, but Isak decided not to comment on it as one kiss wouldn’t hurt him.

Isak hummed, putting a respectful amount of distance between them, but still standing close enough that it remained intimate. “Missed you this weekend,” he said quietly.

“You have no idea,” Even sighed, eyes not straying from Isak’s face. “Next time I invite you to Bergen with my family, please join. Mamma adores you more than _me_. And pappa completely forgot about walking in on us!”

Isak groaned. “Ugh, did you have to remind me? Give me a week so I can face him again. It was traumatic to have him catch me half naked in your bedroom.”

“He thought it was funny!”

“ _Nei_ , only you found it was funny. He and I were very uncomfortable.”

Even chuckled, “Okay, okay.” His fingers reached out out, brushing softly over the loose curls on Isak’s head. Isak leaned into the warmth of his hand and quirked his lips in a small smile, indulging him momentarily. If Even kept staring at him like that, he’d definitely be late to his first class. “Wow, Isak. You look really beautiful today.”

Isak felt his face heat up. “What?” He huffed out, knocking Even’s hand out of the way. “Don’t say stuff like that in public, it’s embarrassing.”

“Sorry, but... Wow. Your hair looks amazing. More than usual. And you’re wearing nice clothes.” He paused, thinking, and then said jokingly, “What’s the special occasion?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “I wanted to impress my idiot of a boyfriend.”

“Hmm, well consider your boyfriend _very_ impressed,” Even murmured, leaning forward to kiss Isak’s face from his temple to his cheekbones—once, twice, thrice. He pulled away and said cheekily, “I’m a lucky man, Isak Valtersen.”

“No, you’re a dead man, if you think you can be like this at school early in the morning,” Isak muttered weakly, settling the weight of his backpack on his shoulders. His pink cheeks betrayed him. “Save it for tonight. You owe me a home cooked dinner and Eskild’s been complaining about missing you.”

Even laughed heartily, but Isak wrinkled his nose and continued in a mock-annoyed voice, “Speaking of—are you dating me, or him? Because he was giving me a play-by-play of your text conversation this weekend, and I’m starting to feel a little jealous.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t appreciate the genius of When Harry Met Sally, babe,” Even said brightly. “I’m on my way to Sociology. See you later!” And then he was off, down the stairs and out of sight. Isak watched him go, snorting at the sight of his long-limbed boyfriend skipping away from him, and shook his head before he made his way to his first class.

 

*** * ***

 

 

*** * ***

 

Even’s doting behaviour did not let up. Every time Isak was in his vicinity, Even jumped at the chance to touch him, kiss him somewhere when no one was seeing, and whisper things in his ear that had Isak blushing in a way he could feel in his toes. Although Even was not what Isak could consider a shy or reserved person with his affections, this was on a level Isak had yet to experience. It was out of the ordinary, but it was nothing that had Isak worried, per se… that is, until the end of lunch.

They were standing in the courtyard in front of Nissen chatting with their friends after returning from a quick trip to Kaffebrenneriet. The early morning wake up had begun to take its toll on Isak, so he had convinced Even to get coffee with him during their break. Note that convinced should be a word used lightly, considering that it seemed like Isak could’ve asked Even to eat a live goldfish and Even would’ve replied, _anything for you if it makes you happy, darling Isak!_  

Isak was about to leave the group to stop by his locker when Even held him onto his arm and whispered in his ear, “Check your locker before your next class.”

Isak squinted at Even apprehensively and asked in a slow voice, “Why?”

“You’ll see,” Even smirked, and then commanded, “Text me.”

“Okay…” Isak was suspicious. Even was acting slightly unpredictably today and he didn’t know what to expect, but he’d go with it if it made him happy. “ _Ha det_ ,” he said with a bemused smile to bid him farewell, and received a private smile in return before he left the group.

When he glanced back at the group, Jonas and Eva were waiting looking equal amounts amused. “Lovebirds,” Jonas sing-songed.

“What the fuck. We weren’t even doing anything this time!” Isak protested.

“It’s not what you do, it’s the way you act with each other when no one is paying attention,” Eva explained.

Isak rolled his eyes didn’t bother dignifying them with a response, leaving to walk ahead of them. 

“Don’t be mad, Issy! We’re just playing around,” Jonas laughed as he tried to catch up with Eva following behind. 

Isak scoffed. “You two are the _last_ people who should be making fun of me. Do you not remember the third wheeling you put me through in first year? It was brutal!”

He turned his head and caught Eva and Jonas exchanging a weird look. Isak wasn’t quite sure what that look meant. Come to think of it, Isak wasn’t quite sure why Eva was still with them. Wasn’t her locker at the other end of the school, near Even’s? He didn’t bother commenting on it, deciding instead to quietly observe the situation. Getting involved never went well for him, especially when it came to Eva and Jonas and their drama; he was going to stay out of it.

Isak and Jonas got to their lockers and opened them with minimum struggle to get their books for the rest of the day. On top of his biology book, which was his next class of the day, there was a folded piece of paper. Isak raised his eyebrows in surprise and finished packing up his books, picking up the piece of paper when he was done.

The note felt rough to his fingertips, similar to the paper in Even’s sketchbooks, and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. It had been a while since he had received one of Even’s drawing at school—nowadays he left them scattered sporadically around the apartment to find. 

He readjusted his bag on his back with a stupid smile on his face, and opened the folded piece of papyrus, holding the paper delicately to not ruin the drawing. 

The sketch was separated in it’s typical double panel fashion. In the present universe panel, Even had drawn them together at school working, timestamped to be right before lunch. And in the alternate universe, Even had drawn— 

Wait, _what the fuck_. Isak’s mouth dropped open in shock, shutting the drawing suddenly, and flashed his head up with wide eyes to make sure Eva and Jonas had not noticed.

And just his luck, they had. They shot him bewildered looks, not understanding why he was acting bizarrely. 

Jonas broke the tension between them. “Uh… Is everything okay, bro?” 

“Yes,” Isak said too quickly in a squeaky voice. His body suddenly felt way too hot. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Um, yeah. Yup. Fine.”

“What’s in your hand, then?”

“Oh, nothing,” Isak waved him off. Jonas’ face made it clear that he did not believe it was nothing. “It’s a drawing from Even.” 

“He still gives you those?” Jonas said, amused. “He’s already got you. No need to court you anymore.”

Eva cut in. “I think it’s romantic! They’re together, but he still wants to show Isak that he cares.”

Jonas inspected him closely. “Romance shouldn’t make Isak look like like he wants the world to swallow him alive, though?”

“I do not!” Isak objected, his voice still too high, raising his hands in defence and completely forgetting that he was holding the picture in his right hand. He unceremoniously flicked it into the air between them, watching as it fluttered absentmindedly to the floor.

_Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Nooooo._

The scene unfolded in slow motion with Eva and Jonas tracking the movement of the parchment with their eyes as it slowly drifted to the ground. Isak couldn’t bear to look. He was in so much shit. He shut his eyes and prayed to a higher power. _Please, if anyone is cares about me in this world, don’t let it land face-up. I beg you._

He opened his eyes and… fuck. The drawing was open, and facing toward his friends. 

The last thing Isak wanted to do right now was look at them, but he had no choice. Eva seemed like she was about to explode from how funny she found the situation but didn’t know if it was appropriate, lips shut firmly together and turning a deep shade of red from keeping in her laughter. Jonas, on the other hand, had on a truly impressive poker face, but when his eyes met Isak’s they were filled with mirth. _You are so not living this down_ , he could hear Jonas whisper to him telepathically.

Isak was going to die from embarrassment. He was going to fucking _kill_ Even.

“Isak,” Eva started, and then shook her head as if she decided not to say what she originally planned to. “Actually, nevermind. I’ll text you, okay? Let’s hang out on Saturday or something.”

Isak counted to ten in his head. He couldn’t meet her eyes. Breathing deeply, he said in the steadiest voice he could muster, “Okay. Talk to you later.”

“Bye,” she said merrily, sparing one last view at the paper on the floor before snorting and walking away.

“I’m gonna go too,” Jonas said, acting like the spawn of Satan was not lying on the floor between them. “See you, dude.”

“See you,” Isak replied calmly, though he was the furthest thing from calm at the moment. They were going to pretend like this didn’t happen. Jonas walked out the doors to the staircase, and just as they were about to shut the entire way, Isak heard Jonas burst into uncontrollable laughter behind him.

Isak grimaced. There was no way Jonas would pretend this didn’t happen. He was going to bring this up when Isak least expected it, and it was going to suck.

 

*** * ***

 

 

Even stopped replying, but Isak could practically hear him dying from laughter on the other end of school. He was dead to him.

 

*** * ***

 

 **MANDAG** , 30 januar 2017, 18:33  
_Kollektivet_

 

Isak had given up on giving his boyfriend the cold shoulder. He had tried for a few hours but he couldn’t stay mad when Even was smiling at him like that, okay? It was impossible!

Now though, Isak was worried. He’d been thinking since the incident with the drawing, and Even’s actions throughout the day could be interpreted as signs of having a hypomanic episode. Or, at least the beginning of one. 

The last time Isak had seriously talked to Even about his bipolar disorder, it had been informative and had put him at ease regarding the situation. Even had stated that he was trying to stay on his medication again, which he had stopped for a month before he had his episode at the hotel. He said that he didn’t enjoy taking his meds—they made him feel less, almost numb, and he didn’t appreciate that side-effect—but they kept his mood swings under control, and after the involvement of the police in his last episode, he thought it was worth another shot. So far it had been going well and there had been minimal complaints. Even had also begun to see his therapist again once he was out of his depressed state from December, which apparently helped a bit more than the medication itself. Talking things out and getting his actions and thoughts regulated and in order were things that made him more self-aware of his mental state. Isak was supportive of anything Even wanted to do, as long as it kept him safe and happy.

Even had warned Isak in advance—he had some telling signs of the beginning of an episode. He was either irritable or overly enthusiastic, he couldn’t stop thinking, he wasn’t sleeping well, he acted recklessly, and he thought about sex a lot.

All of these signs had presented themselves in some sort of way throughout the day, and Isak was concerned. Even didn’t seem to be acting _very_ unlike his usual self, but he was still a bit off. There was often a feeling of uneasiness when they discussed Even’s bipolar disorder because Even felt insecure about it and Isak did not want to say the wrong thing. But he knew that he had to push through and come out and ask Even if he was okay. They had agreed on total honesty between them, so he wouldn’t lie.

Gaining the courage to bring it up was easier said than done, though. 

In the background, the radio was playing [an old song by Rockettothesky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Dgyed5nAHs). Even had once told him quietly in bed while they listened to one of his soothing playlists that he liked this song. 

Even was cooking one of his favourite dishes, _Lapskaus_ , for dinner, and Isak was sitting on the kitchen countertop ‘helping’ by taste-testing. They were still in their clothes from the school day because they had stopped by the grocery before going home and the trip had taken longer than expected. The rest of Isak’s roommates were out hanging out with friends, at work, and even Linn was nowhere to be found.  

Even was talking his way through cooking, explaining to Isak why he was including every ingredient and what value it added to the plate. Isak loved cooking with Even. It was informative, he usually had to do none of the work, and he got to indulge in the food afterward. Best of all, he got to spend time with Even.

“I’m done,” Even exclaimed, proudly presenting the dish in front of him. “We’ll have to let it cool off, but it should be okay to eat in fifteen minutes.”

“Okay,” Isak said, smiling at his contagious enthusiasm. “It looks great. Can’t wait.”

Even went to collect the dirty dishes to put in the sink. Isak took a deep breath. This was his chance. He could check up on him and it would be okay. It would be fine. “Hey, baby?”

“Yeah,” Even answered distractedly, as he rinsed the dishes to soak in the sink.

“C’mere, please,” Isak requested softly.

Even glanced up at the tone of Isak’s voice, recognizing that he had something important to say. He washed his hands and wiped them quickly on a dish towel, then came to stand in between Isak’s legs that were hanging off the counter.

“Hi,” Even said with a smile. His arms looped around Isak’s waist. It was jarring for Isak that they were the exact same height at this angle.

Isak ran his hand through Even’s wild hair. “I was thinking…” 

“Hmm?” Even questioned, eyes skirting over Isak’s face.

Fuck it, he was just going to come out and say it. He rested his hand at the base of Even’s neck. “You’ve been acting weird today,” he said bluntly.

Even tensed. “How so?”

“I don’t know. You’ve been really… _cheery_.”

“I’m always like that. What are you implying?” 

“Your mood has been very elated, and the thing with the drawing in my locker, and you said you couldn’t stop thinking about me—that you couldn’t focus during class, and—”

“So what, I can’t be happy? I can’t think about my boyfriend? What the fuck, Isak.”

Fuck. Even sounded really frustrated.

Isak immediately backtracked. “ _Nei_ , that’s not what I meant—”

Even cut to the chase. “I’m not having an episode, Isak. I’m just in a good mood today, okay? I hadn’t seen you all weekend, and I was really glad to see you. And I’m _human_ , okay? Of course I’m going to think about you when I’ve seen you after being away for a while.”

Oh.

“I told you I’d be honest with you if I was feeling off or anything. But I feel completely like myself. I’m fine, okay? Do you believe me?” 

“Even. Of course I believe you,” Isak felt terrible. “Only you know what you feel, okay? I said that once and it remains the same now.”

Even nodded. “Okay, good.”

He stepped away from Isak’s body, suddenly moving away from him. Isak’s hand resting on his neck dropped to the empty air in front of him. Even moved to continue to wash the dishes in the sink, and Isak was wracked with guilt. He didn’t want to ruin Even’s good mood. He didn’t want to ruin _his own_ good mood. Why did he have to bring this up? Obviously Even would have talked to him if he recognized that he was having an episode. Ugh, he really did not want to argue with Even today.

Even shut off the tap and started drying the dishes. The radio had been turned off at some point, and they both remained in their separate positions in an uneasy silence. Isak wanted to get off the counter and cuddle Even, wrap his arms around him from behind until he was no longer upset. But he couldn’t bring himself to. 

Isak curled into himself on the counter, hunching over. He needed to fix this. “I’m sorry,” he managed in a whisper.

Even stopped moving. He placed the dish down in front of him but didn’t turn around, hiding his face. “ _Nei_ , I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get so defensive about my illness. I just… don’t know how to talk about it sometimes.”

Isak tried another approach. “Could you come back, please?” 

Even turned around and looked at him, face softening when he saw Isak’s blatant distress.

Even walked toward him and resumed his position. His thumb smoothened between the furrow of Isak’s brows, and then tipped forward to kiss his temple softly.

Isak took a shaky breath. He wasn’t good at expressing his feelings, but he cared about Even a lot. He tried to explain himself, focusing his sight on the moles of Even’s neck. “Even… please don’t be mad. I care about you, you know. That's the reason I worry,” he said quietly. “As much as you say I’m your baby, you’re mine too.”

“ _Isak_.” Even’s body instantly melted before him, losing all its anxiousness. His hand reached forward to tilt Isak’s chin up, cupping his jaw and forcing their eyes to meet. “I know, baby, I know.”

Isak still felt on edge. He needed Even to _know_. “But do you?”

Even froze. They both stared at each other, thrown by the sudden heaviness of the conversation. Even swallowed loudly, and Isak tracked the movement of his Adam’s apple. “Yes. I know how you feel about me,” Even said, voice sure and low. “And you know how I feel about you. You don't need to say it if you're not ready. It doesn't mean I don't know how you feel. It doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

Isak’s breath quickened and his heart began to pound. He raised his right hand, shaking as it rested on Even’s chest, directly above his heart. He felt the strong, steady drumming through his fingertips, and he allowed it to ground him in the moment. “Even, it’s not that I’m not ready. It’s a big thing, and it's hard to get out,” Isak felt weirdly tearful, voice choking a bit on his words. “But… I do. I do love you. You know that, right?”

“I do,” Even whispered. “And you know I love you. Right?”

Isak shivered. “Right.” He relished in how intoxicated Even seemed by his revelation, and he never wanted to see that look leave his face. “ _Elsker deg_.”

Even was ruined. Isak repeated ardently, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

And then the tension between them vanquished, both lunging at each other at the same time and giggling hysterically and kissing erratically. The other’s cheeks, chin, neck, anywhere they could reach. _Even loved him_. Isak felt breathless.

When their giggles died down and their movements slowed, they gave each other the most unrestrained, euphoric smiles. Isak remained sitting on the countertop, easily tucking his head into the crook of Even’s neck and kissing the skin there in happiness. He pulled Even closer into the space between his thighs by wrapping his legs around his torso and his arms around his neck. 

Even snorted.

“What’s so funny?” Isak murmured against his neck.

“You’re like an octopus, all legs and arms.”

Isak didn’t care. Even could call him anything in that moment, could say the cheesiest thing, and he wouldn’t care. He would still feel fucking incredible. _Even loved him_.

He could feel Even’s pulse strumming against the tip of his nose. Isak kissed him lightly on one of his favourite birthmarks beneath his jawline. “You were still being a little odd today,” he said tentatively, but it came out like a question.

Even laughed. “I wasn’t being weird! It’s just…”

There was something weird in his voice, so Isak lifted his head to get a better look at him. Even seemed bashful in a way that was very unlike him.

“Oi, what is it?” Isak asked vivaciously, holding him in place with his legs to get a better glimpse of him. “You’re blushing, and you never blush!”

Even smiled at Isak’s glee, and kissed the tip of his nose. “You looked so fucking cute today.”

Isak felt a flutter in his chest and his limbs loosened in shock. “ _That’s_ why you were acting like that?”

“Come on, Isak. You come to school looking like—” Even gestured to Isak’s entire body. “— _that_. Is it really so surprising?”

It was more unbelievable than surprising. Isak bit his lip. “I didn’t realize I affected you like that.”

“You affect me in _all_ the ways, baby,” Even simpered in return.

Isak rolled his eyes. “Fucking ridiculous boy,” he muttered fondly.

Even smiled widely, pulling Isak closer. “Ridiculously in love with you,” Even murmured into Isak’s ear, and Isak could feel his heart jump into his throat. 

“God, Even, shut up,” Isak mumbled, skin heating up.

Even pulled back a bit, taking a better look at him. “Look at you blush,” Even whispered, nosing at his cheekbone. “So fucking beautiful.” 

“ _Even_ ,” Isak whined. “Stop talking about me like that, it’s embarrassing.”

“I think you like it,” Even said, peppering his face with feather-light kisses. “I don’t think you’re embarrassed at all. You know what I think?”

Even sniped his teeth at his jawline and it took Isak a few moments, but eventually he replied in an even tone, “What?” 

Even sucked his earlobe into his mouth and whispered into it, “I think it turns you on.”

Isak heart began to pound loudly in his ears. He pushed Even off him. “It does not, it’s embarrassing,” he insisted.

“Oh, really?” Even questioned, quirking an eyebrow. “Let’s test that theory out, shall we?”

“Do your worst,” Isak prodded, knowing he was full of shit.

“Okay,” Even obliged. “But first, kiss me.”

Isak snorted softly at the request, smirking as Even’s eyes darkened when he wrapped his legs snugly around him once again. Once their torsos were flush together, Isak licked his lips and moved forward. He tilted his head to the side and softly pulled Even’s bottom lip between his, sucking on it until he let go, eyes open to watch the lush flesh turned vague shade of cherry red. The heel of his right foot dug into the curve of Even’s ass as he pressed them together harder, a difficult feat from his position on the counter. He cheered internally when he achieved the desired effect and Even groaned in response, diving back in and kissing Isak deeply, over and over again, until they were both panting from the intensity of their making out. 

Eventually he pulled back a bit and snickered at the sight in front of him. If he thought Even looked ruined before, it was nothing compared to how he was now.

“I thought you were testing a theory,” Isak teased, moving back in to lick wetly at the inside of Even’s mouth and successfully drawing a moan out of him.

“Fucking menace,” Even responded breathlessly, return the kisses with equal fervor. “Okay, enough, I want to try something.”

Isak hummed, but he continued to give short and full kisses.

“Enough, baby,” Even repeated, moving his chin so he could kiss the side of Isak’s face instead of his mouth.

“Mhm.” Isak still felt a bit drunk off the making out.

“Unwrap your legs, I want to look at you,” Even commanded. 

Isak felt something hot flare up inside him at the direction, and he automatically obeyed the request. Even put a foot of space between them, close enough to touch, but far enough that Isak couldn’t kiss him anymore.

Even took a moment to look at him. His eyes raked slowly over Isak’s hair, to his face, to his neck, to his body, and Isak knew he was thinking about what he looked like under his clothes. It sent a thrill through him to know that Even knew exactly what he looked like naked, and wanted him so much more because of it. 

Even swallowed thickly. For some absurd reason, Isak felt nervous to be sat in front of him, neither of them saying a word and Even staring at him.

“Isak, do you know what you did to me today?”

Isak was confused. “Um… no?”

Even chuckled without humour. “Of course you don’t. You have absolutely _no_ idea what people see when they look at you.” 

Sometimes Even made absolutely no sense. “I don’t think people think much about me,” Isak suggested.

Even shook his head. “You’re wrong.” He licked his lips. “From the very moment I saw you today, I wanted to fuck you.”

 _Holy fuck_. Even was so blunt sometimes, it really threw him. Isak bit down on his lip hard, not knowing how to reply to such a comment. All he knew was that it made him feel hot all over. 

Even breathed out. “Do you know how sexy it is when you do that?”

“Do what?” 

Even raised his thumb to smooth over Isak’s bottom lip. “Bite your lip like that. It’s so hot.”

Isak dropped his mouth open at the words, and Even took the opportunity to hook his finger further into the heat of his mouth. Isak tentatively soothed the pad of Even’s thumb with his tongue, tasting the salt of the skin there. Even shuddered at the action and pressed harder against his tongue, and Isak wrapped his lips around the finger. He closed his eyes, sucking the digit wetly into his mouth and licking it obscenely, imagining it was something else entirely. He knew he probably looked indecent as fuck, but he couldn’t care less.

Isak bit down as Even dragged his thumb out, letting his teeth scrape over the length as it left his mouth with a loud _pop_.  

“Gorgeous,” Even murmured. “Look so gorgeous when you suck on my fingers, baby.” 

Isak knew at this point that Even liked to talk when he was aroused, but he could never get used to the rough voice he adopted when he entered that state, and he would never forget the things Even said to him when he was like this. Sometimes, when he was alone and Even wasn't there, he would think back to the comments Even made during times like these and it would be enough to get him off.

“Have I ever told you how much I love your lips?” Even said, tracing over Isak’s lips lightly. “They’re so plush and soft and this part right here—” his forefinger dipped into the cupid’s bow. “—I love it. I love them. Especially after I’ve kissed you, because they get all swollen and pink, and don’t even get me started on how fucking _beautiful_ your mouth looks when it’s wrapped around my—”

“ _Even_ ,” Isak stopped him, hushed, as if they had an audience around them. He knocked his hand out of the way, flushing at the attention and the filthiness of his words.

“And your hair,” Even continued, moving his hand into the blond curls. “Your hair is so lovely, so soft. It makes you look like an angel.”

Isak couldn’t help but push his head into the hand on his head, adoring the feel of fingers through his hair. It was a guilty pleasure of his and Even knew it. They could spend hours with Even’s hand in Isak’s hair—doing homework, reading, watching movies—just because they both loved it so much. The feeling of nails raking over his scalp was one of a kind, and when Even pulled on it— 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Isak moaned loudly, because Even had done just that. Even shivered at the reaction, smoothing his hand over the hair to calm Isak down.

“You’re so responsive, it’s unbelievable,” Even whispered, almost in awe. “You look so pretty like this. Absolutely wrecked.”

He tangled his fingers in the curls again tugged on them hard, and Isak screwed his mouth shut to hold in the moaning, not wanting to succumb to pleasure from just a hand pulling his hair, but Even didn't let him. “No,” Even said in a deep voice. “I want to hear you. Don’t hold back. It’s okay, Isak,” he soothed. “It’s just me. You can let go. I love you.”

Isak went pliant at those words, letting Even tug again on the fine hair with his knuckles brushing against the skull of his head. Isak didn’t have to hold back this time. He gasped, wanting more than a pull of his hair to make him feel good. He threw his head back and dropped his mouth open and a tremble ran through his body. He could feel his body flush at the feeling, and as Even continued to run his hand through his hair, tugging and pulling and yanking to draw out lewd sounds from Isak’s throat, he fleetingly wondered if this was what it was like to have a preference for something during sex like he and Even had previously discussed.

“Good job, baby,” Even murmured, when he stopped and kissed the corner of his open mouth. “You’re so good at letting go for me. You really like that, don’t you?”

Isak nodded, not being able to find his voice. He could feel his brain short circuiting, and he didn’t quite understand why. All he could do was snuggle back into Even’s neck and shudder against his skin. He felt almost embarrassed by his reaction to such simple things like hair-pulling and praise. Even had yet to touch his cock, which had been hard from the moment they began making out, and yet he almost felt like he had never been more turned on before in his life.

“I’m so glad you told me. You’re so good to me, Isak.” Even kept kissing his hair, wrapping his arms around Isak’s waist. “You’re fucking _perfect_ , everything about you.”

At this point, Isak was panting loudly against Even’s skin.

“Wrap your legs around me again,” Even requested heatedly. “I’m carrying you with me to the couch.”

Isak did as he asked, holding on tightly as Even transported them quickly a few steps away. Isak sat on the couch, legs spread apart with Even on the floor on his knees between them. His hand reached for the button of his jeans, pulling them off quickly but leaving his boxers on, and Even smoothed his palms over his thighs. 

“I love your legs so much,” Even whispered. “I’m going to touch you now, okay? I wish I could suck on you, but I can't stop looking at your face. Is that okay?”

“ _God_ , yes, please,” Isak begged, “Anything, anything.”

Even pulled down his boxers and sat fully clothed in front of him, licking his lips at the sight of Isak’s cock that was red and hard from how long he had been aroused. The tip was wet from the pre-come that had steadily been leaking out of him from the moment Even had gotten his hand in his hair, and Even looked hungry at the sight. He rested his cheek against the top of Isak’s thigh, near the base of his cock, and wrapped a hand around him firmly to drag over the velvety skin.

Isak moaned loudly at the first contact, recognizing that he was not going to last long. Even stroked him, breathing hard against the base of him but lips not touching, drinking in the sight of his hand moving, wet from the pre-come, over Isak’s hard-on, and positively drunk off the sounds Isak was making. Even tugged on his length four times, and Isak came suddenly and quietly, wet stripes coating the navy blue button-down he had been wearing. He didn’t have it in him to give a fuck.

It had been totally worth it. 

Even bit down on the meat of his thigh, his own hand disappearing into his pants when Isak was done. Normally, Isak would had offered to help, but he was still reeling from the force of his orgasm that he couldn’t do anything but watch as Even got himself off. It was such a hot sight that it made him want to come again, and it took only a few tugs for Even to get there on his own. Their breaths evened out, and when Even looked up at him from the ground, they instantly both burst into laughter.

“Holy shit,” Isak giggled. “That was the fastest I’ve come in my life.” 

“Me too,” Even agreed heartily, eyes bright as they looked up at Isak from his space on the floor. “It’s your fault.”

“I wish I could take full responsibility, but that was all you, baby.”

“It was a team effort,” Even allowed. “Fist bump?”

“Fist bump.”

And they did, just like the idiots they were, and burst into laughter again at the ridiculousness of the situation. Isak was wearing his new button-up shirt covered in come, naked from the waist down, and Even hadn’t even bothered taking off his pants to get himself off. They were both sweaty, spent, and sated, sitting on the floor and the couch of their _shared living space_ , fist bumping over mutual orgasms, dinner likely cold by now. Isak was so fucking lucky to be in love with one of his best friends, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I loved writing it. It was tough to get through, but I finally got it done. This chapter was very indulgent for me because it included some of my all favourite “tame” kinks, and I got to write them all at once! 
> 
> I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for the delay in this update! I said that I would update a while ago and I wasn’t able to follow through because I had midterms and personal life to worry about, so that’s what is mainly blame for my lack of updating. I’m somewhat back on schedule though, and you should expect the next update within a week! My concept for the next chapter is making me very excited and I already have it outlined in heavy detail. 
> 
> Once again, thank you all so, so much for your kudos, bookmarks, and wonderful comments here/messages on tumblr. If you added me to a fic rec list, I am so flattered! Also, don’t feel shy about messaging me on my blog. Go ahead and bully me into writing because sometimes I need a little encouragement, but I also love making friends and talking to new people and just generally screaming about this show to people. Or if you just want to talk about life or relationships or just sex positive things which is something I’m trying to encourage by writing this fic, I’m always open to talking. See you all next week! <3


	4. better than home feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **CHAPTER WARNINGS** :  
> Hi everyone, probably best for you to skim what happened in the last chapter since it’s been a few weeks and it relates heavily to what happens in this chapter!
> 
> In this chapter we take a slight break from the humour and explore a subject near and dear to my heart: kink shaming. Warnings apply for a lot of self-hatred and deep-rooted insecurities. Also in terms of kink (spoiler alert): dirty talk, fucking, riding.

 

Isak did not know why he was reacting in the way that he was, or to the extent that he was, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened on Monday evening.

It was weird, wasn’t it, that he had gotten off so much from a little hair pulling? And from the sweet words Even had said to him while it was happening? He hadn’t ever heard of anyone being into something that… insignificant during sex. Something must be wrong with him.

He tried to do a bit of research on it. People on the Internet were calling it “praise kink”, but quite frankly, that sounded fucking stupid and made up. And when he tried looking up the hair thing, he had landed on an article about “hair fetishism”, which he quickly exited as soon as he saw the word “fetish”. Fetishes were for people that were abnormal. _He_ was abnormal.

It was easy to allow himself to feel things while he was in the moment as Even always made him feel safe enough to relax, but it was harder to accept that he was a freak when he was alone. Sure, there were worse things to be into. He wasn’t harming anyone by enjoying some praise and hair pulling. But that didn’t make him feel any better. It was such a pointless thing to like during sex, and it made him feel deviant and wrong.

Why could he just be fucking normal for once?

To make things worse, it wasn’t just that he had an odd sexual preference for something stupid. It was also the fact that Even had barely touched him below the neck and for some reason, he had never been harder before in his life. And when Even _did_ touch him, he had come so fucking quickly, as if it was the first time he had discovered how to get himself off.

He knew that the right course of action would be to talk about it with Even. It was unfair to keep this kind of inner turmoil from him, especially when it involved their relationship, and Even wanted them to be open and honest with each other. Fuck, _Isak_ wanted them to have that, too. But it was really fucking hard. And the thing is, whenever Isak was around Even, his mind automatically went blank.

He was really lucky. Despite never talking about it, he knew how lucky, how supported, how loved he was—by all the people involved in his life, like his loyal and understanding friend group, and his parents, who despite not being present in his life, were more supportive than he could have dreamed. Most of all, particularly by Even. Isak had a wonderful boyfriend who was wanted by all, and for some bizarre reason, all Even wanted was him. It was inevitable that Isak would spend a lot of time thinking about him and his gravity-defying hair and his passion for classic films and how he was patient and kind and enthusiastic and always, always fascinated in what others had to say, even if it was utter rubbish. Even made him feel so secure and warm and comfortable, and his smile was so genuine that it made Isak forget that he had worries to begin with.

So, really, Isak couldn’t be blamed for not talking to Even about his problems. It had only been a few days, and he completely forgot his concerns when he was around Even. It was only when he was alone, house quiet and mind racing, that he remembered. And every time he did, the surge of shame and self-hatred rushed through him and burned hot to his core, and he realized, _shit, maybe I should talk to Even about this_.

Thankfully, on Thursday, he was finally presented with the opportunity.

 

*** * ***

 

 **TORSDAG** , 2 februar 2017, 19:17

 

Isak was walking up the steps to Even’s house, in the process of texting him to let him inside, when he forcefully collided with someone on their way out.

“Shit, sorry!” Isak cursed as he dropped his phone on the floor, flat on its surface. He quickly picked it up, checking to make sure it was in decent condition, when he looked up and realized it was Even’s mother he had bumped into. How embarrassing. She smiled at him with an amused look on her face and he felt his face heat up.

 _Fuck_ , he realized, _I just swore in front of Even’s mother_.

“Oh, God, sorry. I wasn’t looking at where I was going. Are you okay?”

Even’s mother laughed. “Not to worry, Isak, I’m fine. I wasn’t looking either. I didn’t know you were coming over today,” she mentioned with a question in her voice.

“Um, sorry, I can come back another time if you’re busy…”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m actually on my way to the airport. I’m meeting Even’s dad; he’s in Copenhagen on a business trip, and we figured I could take the next two days off and we could make a vacation out of it.”

“Sounds like fun,” Isak said, smiling. Even’s mother was so easygoing. Actually, both of his parents were. They always seemed to enjoy life to its fullest and not give a damn about what other people thought of them. It was inspiring. “Even told me your trip to Bergen last weekend was great.”

“I wish you came along with us, dear. Make sure to join next time.”

Isak felt himself relax at the warmth of her tone. “I will, thanks for offering.”

“Anytime. I think Even was making popcorn in the kitchen, by the way. Wonder what movie he’s going to put you through this time,” she winked at him.

Isak rolled his eyes fondly. “Can’t wait to find out,” he drawled.

“Have fun,” she laughed knowingly, probably having been in his position countless times before. She pulled her suitcase forward, moving toward the taxi that had been outside when Isak walked up. “Bye, Even, I’m leaving now. Text me,” she called into the house through the front door, and then looked back at him and said, “You can just lock up behind me, if that’s okay?”

“Of course, no problem. Have a good weekend!”

“You too, sweetheart,” she smiled, leaning upward to kiss his cheek goodbye. He really liked Even’s mom, and it was pretty clear that the feeling was mutual. Isak was the type of person who generally enjoyed receiving validation from others, but Even’s mother’s approval felt so much _bigger_ than that of other people.

When she was out of sight, Isak moved into the salvation of the house, locking the door behind him. Inside, it was quiet, but he could faintly hear a humming sound coming from the kitchen. He dropped his backpack by the door and removed his shoes as he shimmied out of his jacket and placed it on the coat hanger, moving toward the low sound.

He walked faintly to the kitchen, not wanting to disturb the peacefulness of the household. When he entered the doorway, Even was leaning against the wall looking out the window and did not notice Isak entering the kitchen, seemingly lost in his thoughts. A soft song that he did not know was playing from Even’s phone resting on the kitchen counter.

Isak moved toward Even instinctively and wrapped his arms around him from behind, nuzzling his head into the cotton of the the hoodie. Even tensed briefly and then relaxed at his touch, recognizing it was Isak that had encased him in his arms.

They both breathed deeply, savouring the quiet moment. “Is this my hoodie?” Isak inquired tenderly against Even’s shoulder blades. It was light grey and a little big on Isak, but it fit Even perfectly.

“Probably,” he replied, and Isak could hear a smile in his voice. Even lifted his own hands to rest them over where Isak’s were on his stomach, rubbing them together gently. “Did you run into mamma?”

“Yeah, she was sweet. Did she cook anything before she left?”

Even snorted. “Of course that’s what you want to know. She did, actually. There's lasagna in the oven.”

Isak’s mouth began to water at the thought of lasagna and he lifted his head off Even’s back. “ _Seriøs_? And you’re only telling me now?”

“You’ve been here for ten seconds, baby.”

“Ten seconds too long to be withholding lasagna from me.”

He let go of Even and moved to the oven, opening it and peering inside. “Is it still hot?”

“It's probably still warm, but not too hot to hold it. Just take it out as is.”

Isak complied, excited to be fed a home-cooked meal. It looked amazing, perfectly cheesy, and he could smell the meat from where he was holding it.

“Fuck, I’m so hungry,” Isak muttered, glancing at Even.

“When are you not hungry?” Even asked, handing him a fork and plate and keeping a set for himself. Isak didn’t grace him with a response, eagerly forking two pieces of lasagna onto the plate and placing it on the counter. He grabbed the other plate and fork from Even’s hands and said to him, “That one’s yours. I’ll take this one.”

“How sweet of you, getting my food for me,” Even noted, grabbing the plate on the kitchen-top, and then snickered. “Total husband material.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he said, “See if I ever do anything nice for you again.”

They moved to Even’s bedroom, settling on the couch, and Isak began to eat. Damn, Even’s mom was a great cook. Even got his laptop out, placing it on the table in front of the couch and scrolling through the titles on Netflix. “Did I tell you about _The Get Down_?”

Isak shook his head, too consumed with the food in front of him. Even continued, “It’s this show on Netflix. Baz Luhrmann created it, and there’s a hip hop vibe in it. Nas even raps on it. And apparently it’s LGBT-friendly. We should binge-watch it tomorrow at your place, there are only a few episodes, though they’re kind of long.”

Isak swallowed his bite and felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. “Wow, sounds like it was made for us. I’m down if there’s rapping,” he shrugged.

“Knew you would be. Sounds like a plan. Let’s watch something else while we eat.”

“Okay. This is delicious, by the way,” he added.

“I know you are, but what am I?” Even replied childishly.

Isak rolled his eyes. “An idiot. And a terrible flirt.”

Even looked affronted. “Don’t lie to me. I know you loved the paper towels.”

“If by loved you mean wanted to shove them down your throat, then yes, you’re right.”

“Ou, aggressive, I like it,” Even growled playfully. “Keep talking like that and I’ll need those paper towels for an entirely different reason.”

“Even?”

“Yeah?”

“Fuck off.”

Even laughed. “Okay, what do you want to watch?”

“Hm, not sure. A guilty pleasure film, maybe.”

“Legally Blonde?”

Isak shot Even an unimpressed look before scooping up another bite of lasagna. “That’s your idea of guilty pleasure? I’ve never seen it; it looks stupid and girly.”

“It’s an iconic feminist film and it’s hilariously quotable, so yes, it’s my idea of guilty pleasure. And Isak, don’t call it girly. Remember what I told you about gender roles and masculinity the other day?”

To be quite frank, Isak wasn’t completely sure exactly what Even had been going on about when he had started ranting about that feminist stuff. He liked listening to Even’s opinions and all, but he had been tired when Even got fired up that time, so he had sort of endured it and made agreeable noises in the right places to appease him. But he wasn’t going to say that to Even. “Fine, play it. We’ll only be watching for a second anyway.”

And, well, surprise, surprise. They did not watch for a second. One hour later, Isak was curled under Even’s arm, silently rooting for Reese Witherspoon’s character to savagely wipe the floor with the idiot that was her boss. Even could tell that he was enraptured by the movie as Isak saw from the corner of his eye that he was watching for Isak’s giggles and annoyed eyebrow scrunches instead of the movie itself. He remained was quiet though, smiling as the plot played out and Even played with the curls by Isak’s ear, hand in his hair. By the end of the film he felt lighthearted and giddy, and when Even turned to him with an expectant look on his face, Isak schooled his expression.

“So?” Even asked, raising his eyebrows with a smile.

Isak nudged absentmindedly against the hand in his hair and curled closer into Even under his arm. He scoffed. “It was whatever.”

“Bullshit. You loved it.”

“Nope.”

“I know you’ll never admit it, but that’s okay. I know you, baby. That was your shit.”

Isak smiled slightly, heart full and tingling with happiness. Even had an uncanny way of understanding the way he worked; he never had to explain the little things to him.

Their eyes met. “Movie’s done. What shall we do now?” Isak said, tilting his head up on Even’s shoulder.

“I have a few ideas,” Even murmured suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

Isak huffed in amusement at his theatrics, but still met him halfway when Even leaned down to kiss him. They began by taking their time with small, sweet, lazy kisses, but that quickly escalated to heavy, intense making out. Eventually, they were both groaning into each other’s mouths, frustrated, but still doing nothing to relieve themselves.

And then Even pulled on his hair, fisting his hand in the curls at the nape of his neck. Isak parted from the kiss, panting heavily into the air. Even moved to the skin of his neck, licking along the tendon and sucking a bruise beneath his jawline.

Isak whimpered in response, hips bucking into the air, and Even dropped his other hand from the curve of Isak’s jaw to the bulge in his skinny jeans, palming him lightly.

“So hot,” Even whispered into his neck, breathing hotly on the wet skin there.

Isak froze.

This felt eerily similar to what had happened on Monday. And suddenly, the hand in his hair felt heavy, and the words that normally would make Isak feel hot all over, fell flat.

Even stopped kissing his jaw a few seconds later, catching onto the fact that something was wrong. He pulled back from Isak’s neck, saw the defeated look on his face, and immediately sat up.

Even’s eyes scanned his face, a worried crease between his brows. “What is it?”

Isak’s heard his blood rushing through his ears and he felt a sting in his eyes. No, no fucking way, he was not going to fucking cry right now. _Suck it up, tell Even what’s wrong, it will be okay_ , he chanted in his mind, willing his anxiousness away.

Isak breathed deeply, in and out, until the hand on his nape and his mind allowed him to relax. He gulped, realizing that there was no way out of this conversation, but knowing that it was one that needed to be had.

He opened his mouth and rasped, “I’m sorry, I totally killed the mood.”

That comment made Even look even _more_ worried. “Baby, I don’t care about that at all,” he said, and that comment calmed Isak and made him feel like shit all at once. “Talk to me?”

“Okay. I…” Isak stayed silent, trying to work up the courage. Then he just decided to take the plunge. “Okay, it’s about Monday.”

Even sat up a bit straighter. “Like, Monday, as in…” _When we got each other off_. It went unsaid, but they both knew what they were discussing.

“Yeah, as in that.” Isak didn’t know what else to say—he didn’t know how to begin talking about this at all.

A couple seconds went by, and Even decided to throw him a bone. “Were you uncomfortable with what happened?”

Isak felt sick. “No, not at all,” he replied. “That’s the problem.”

Even was looking more concerned as they continued to discuss this, and Isak just wanted it to be done. He didn’t want to sit here, talking about how embarrassing his desires were. He wanted this conversation to be over.

“I don’t understand,” Even said carefully. “If we both enjoyed it and were comfortable, then there shouldn’t be a problem. Unless I’m missing something.”

This was so fucking frustrating. Isak coughed mindlessly, wanting to fill the tense air around them with _something_.

Then, “It was kind of embarrassing,” he admitted, hating himself more.

“Isak,” Even said, voice hushed. “There was absolutely _nothing_ embarrassing about what happened. Are you talking about—” he paused, unsure, and then tried, “—how you came quickly?”

Isak burrowed deeper into his seat on the couch. “That, and… well, it was a little ridiculous how hot it made me. You know.”

“I don’t know,” Even said, sounding lost.

“Come on,” he said, looking down. “You do know. We talked about it while it was happening,” he hinted.

Even squinted, and then clarity came into his eyes. “You’re talking about the hair stuff? And the compliments?”

It took a lot of energy for Isak to choke out a quiet, “Yes.”

Even’s hand quickly moved under his chin, tilting his head up so that their eyes could meet again. And all Isak could see was understanding, empathy, and adoration. “There was _nothing_ embarrassing about any of that. Not at all, Isak. It was amazing for me. I hope it was amazing for you, too.”

“It’s stupid, though. You don’t understand. I got _really_ into it. It wasn’t normal sex for me. It was like…” He struggled to explain. “It was ten times more intense than usual.”

Isak sniffed a bit, and spat out with some venom in his voice, “And I don’t get why, because it was just hair and some nice words.”

Even rubbed his other palm over Isak’s thighs soothingly and then wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Isak was almost in Even’s lap at this point.

Even took his time, and then began speaking. “That’s what a kink is though, babe. It’s okay to have them. We were both into it. In fact, when you started sucking on my fingers—” his eyes dropped to Isak’s mouth, and they both unconsciously licked their lips in sync, “—that was really fucking hot for me. That was _my_ kink. Is there anything wrong with that?”

“What? _No_ ,” Isak reassured him, appalled that he would suggest that.

“Then there’s nothing wrong with the things you like, too,” Even said reasonably.

And, well, that made sense in theory, but Isak still felt uneasy. As if Even could tell that from the look on his face, he continued to speak. “It was amazing to see you so... free for once. Not caring about what anyone thought, not even yourself,” he explained. “It’s a big reason why I love sex with you so much, seeing you let go. You think a lot, Isak. That's something I’ve noticed. But I want you to know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. I think all of the things you find hot, are hot. Your kinks are my kinks. Isn’t that what a relationship is? We just want to make each other feel good. If something makes you feel good, I want to do it; I want to try. And as long as we’re both okay with it, there’s nothing wrong with exploring that.”

Fucking hell, Even was amazing. Isak didn’t deserve him. “I don’t deserve you,” he said in a small voice.

“I don’t deserve _you_ , baby. You’re so much, and you don’t even realize it. I just want you to see yourself how I see you for once.” Even leaned forward and gave his temple a lingering kiss. Isak closed his eyes, feeling emotional from the heartfelt speech.

When his eyelids fluttered open, Even was staring at him with a soft look on his face.

“You know, before you, I didn’t get a lot of compliments,” Isak tried quietly, needing to explain himself for some reason. “I don’t know how to react when you praise me like that. It makes me feel...   _incredible_ , because you’re the only one that I _want_ to compliment me. But growing up, I wasn’t close to my parents. And guys don’t exactly give out compliments for free all the time. When Eva and I were closer, she’d say stuff to me sometimes, and Jonas too on the rare occasion, but other than that, I haven’t really experienced affection at the level that you give to me.”

Isak could feel his eyes begin water. _Shit_. He decided to push out the final thought that kept replaying on his mind, eating away at him. “Am I fucked up? Is that why I get off on that sort of stuff?”

Even’s grip around him tightened. “Baby, no,” Even said firmly. “You’re _perfect_. Not fucked up at all. We’re human, and we like what we like. And honestly, the stuff that you like makes me like _you_ even more.”

Isak felt flutters in his stomach, feeling a little overwhelmed. “I love you a lot,” he murmured, cuddling back into Even’s side.

“And I, you,” Even said, as if it was the most obvious thing. As if it was a fact.

Isak felt a lot lighter. “Thanks for talking to me. I feel better about it.”

“I’m glad, baby. I don’t ever want you to feel badly about wanting things, okay? I want to give you everything you want. Just say the word.”

Isak smiled a bit against Even’s shoulder. “You spoil me too much.”

“It’s nothing you don’t deserve.”

And the words were just so _sweet_ and _honest_ that Isak couldn’t help but lean up and kiss Even again. And again, and again, and again, and when Even opened his mouth and their tongues melded into each other, Isak welcomed it wholeheartedly. Even pushed down at Isak’s shoulder and he got the hint, lying on the couch so that Even could rest his heavy weight over him. It felt suffocating in the best way possible, and his mouth was addictive.

Eventually, when he needed to breathe, he turned his head to the side and gasped as Even slipped a hand under his shirt to touch and scratch his torso. He writhed beneath him, moving to kiss the spot beneath Even’s ear, the one that he loved.

Even groaned and shifted out of reach, pulling at the neck of Isak’s shirt to brand another bruise into the skin by his collarbone. He hips thrusted up into the thigh that was wedged between his own legs and he moaned a bit in frustration when Even grinded back down on him.

Even’s mouth left the skin that he was sucking, and he took note of Isak’s squirming, quietly noting, “You’ve been really antsy the past couple days.”

Isak heard him, but couldn’t help but continue to grind up into Even. _Fuck_ , he needed something more right now.

“C’mon, I need more,” he said mindlessly. “ _Even_.”

“Impatient boy,” he chuckled, and then thrusted down hard once more before wiggling down Isak’s body until he was at his stomach, hiking up the shirt to kiss his belly button. “What do you want?”

“God, please, just—fuck me.”

Isak looked down, watching Even kiss the mole on his abdomen. Even loved all of his marks, could not stop kissing them, and it kind of made Isak love him more. Even looked up at him darkly, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” he said, to which Even shot him a smirk. Fucking smug bastard.

Even kissed his stomach again, this time with a bit of tongue. “How do you want it?”

“You pick,” Isak requested, heart pounding in his ears at the endless possibilities.

Isak could literally see Even’s pupils dilating. “I want you to ride me,” Even told him, hot against his skin, and Isak shivered at the idea. They had only done that once before, over a month ago. Isak was definitely down for that.

“Okay,” he replied, breathless with excitement.

Even’s hand went straight to Isak’s jeans, pressing the heel of his hand down on his cock and making Isak whimper, and then he began to unzip him. _Fuck_ _yes_ , it was happening, finally.

Even removed Isak’s pants and boxers in one go and his cock sprung free. He hissed at the lack of restriction and what he wanted now was Even’s hands all over him. But Even was busy, grabbing lube and a condom out of his closet to place on the table and shimmying himself out of his clothes, so Isak decided to follow suit and remove the shirt he was wearing. They were both naked at an almost embarrassingly eager speed, but it didn’t matter. It was time.

Even sat back on the couch, naked and straight up _gorgeous_ , and Isak swung one of his legs over Even’s other side. And then he sat down, straddling him, with Even’s dick resting comfortably between his ass cheeks.

He ran his hands through Even’s hair, loving the feel of the position, and Even groaned, throwing his head back on the couch and closing his eyes. They were both so fucking hard and clearly needed to get off _now_ , but Isak wanted to be a tease. He looked at him, locking his eyes with Even’s heavy lidded ones, and smirked. And then—grinded down the cock beneath him, hard.

“Fuck, Isak, stop,” Even said brokenly, raising his hands to hold down on Isak’s hips and keep him in place.

“Mm, but I don’t want to,” Isak protested, just to be a brat, and attempted to rut down again. But Even had a firm grip on him, and all he could do was wiggle a bit. Ugh.

“Okay, okay, easy,” Even said quickly, “Let’s get you ready first, please?”

“ _Hurry_ ,” Isak whined. Holy fuck, he was going to combust if he didn’t get something inside him in the next couple seconds.

Even reached to the table and popped open the cap of the lube bottle, generously coating his fingers with the liquid and rubbing them together to warm it up. And then he reached behind Isak, fingers tentatively brushing over the ring of muscle, and rubbed against the rim. Isak pushed back on the fingers because fuck, it was barely anything but it felt _good_ when he didn’t have anything else, and then Even pushed one of his fingers inside slowly.

Isak keened, fucking himself on the finger inside him, and Even pressed it deeper, feeling the inside of him. “Jesus, Isak, you’re so pretty, baby,” Even said throatily, eyes on his face as he moved his finger.

And then he added another and Isak’s mouth slackened. Even worked his fingers in and out relentlessly, scissored his fingers and deliberately missing the spot Isak wanted him to touch _so badly_ , and Isak was losing his fucking mind. And then three fingers, and Even was licking at his neck, biting down. It was too much.

“Stop, stop, I’m ready, please, fuck—” Isak begged, and Even removed his fingers, hurriedly grabbing the condom package and the bottle of lube again. Isak snatched the condom from him, ripping it open and helping Even put it on, while Even stumbled his way around the lube bottle, pouring a whole fucking lot on the palm of his hand and then coating himself with it.

Once they were both ready, Even holding the base of his dick to guide it into place and Isak sitting up on his knees, both legs still on either side of him, and after two failed attempts, Isak finally, _finally_ felt the head of Even’s dick shifting inside of his hole.

“ _God_ ,” Isak whined high in his throat, and lowered his hips to sink down, inch by inch, until Even was fully sheathed. Isak breathed deeply, gyrating his hips a bit to get used to the feeling of Even, so full inside of him, and bit down hard on his lip. Isak moved up, feeling the slow drag of the cock, and then quickly back down. _Fuck_.

“I love this position,” Even groaned, clearly just as affected as Isak. His forehead rested on Isak’s shoulder, and he was panting heavily against his sticky skin.

It took Isak a few seconds to reply, but eventually, in a strained voice, he asked, “Why?”

Even squeezed his waist, hands holding down on him firmly, and then thrusted deeper inside him. “You always lose yourself in the moment. So I get to see you fuck yourself on my cock; use me for your own pleasure. And I get off on it, seeing you do that. It’s _so_ fucking hot.”

 _God damn_. Isak whimpered in response, straining his thighs as he lifts his lips and then sinks down on Even’s dick again.

Holy _shit_ , fuck, fuck, _fucking fuck_. The burn was perfect. He could feel it, so good inside of him, stretching every single fucking inch against his walls. It was incredible.

He was going to die. This was how he would go. Isak Valtersen, 1999 – 2017, death by cock.

“Okay,” Isak started, sounding pained. “But you know what’s hotter? When you’re about to come, and you go a bit wild. Come on, baby, I want it. _Fuck me_.”

And so Even did. He rutted deep into Isak—long, hard strokes, and it was amazing. Even was fucking amazing. Even was panting and Isak was groaning, yes, yes, yes—and then the tip of Even’s dick hit his prostate, and Isak cried out, “ _Fuck!_ ”

Over and over and over again, Even was relentless with his thrusts, dick continuously brushing his prostate, until Isak was done. Overwhelmed and gone, he came, cock pulsating white stripes between their bellies, and Even fucked up—once, twice, and it was over.

Isak slumped over Even’s spent body, attempting to catch his breath as Even softened inside of him.

He felt absolutely wrecked in the most rewarding way. And they did that. Together. They achieved that, together. And that, itself, was pretty amazing.

Even pulled out and Isak mumbled a bit in annoyance as he moved away to get rid of the condom wrapper. But then he was back, and Isak could curl up against him. Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s waist, snuggling into his neck and whispering, “Love you so much.”

And of course Even loved him back. After today, that had become one thing that Isak was sure of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “See you all next week,” I said three weeks ago. “The update will be here on Monday,” I said two weeks ago. I am a dirty, filthy liar. But pssstttt I made a Twitter, come follow me [@BlRTHMARKS](https://twitter.com/BlRTHMARKS) and slap me around a bit when I don’t update in a while.
> 
> Ngl I’m nervous about this chapter because it was different from my usual taste, but in a fic where kink exploration is a central topic, I figured that kink shaming needed to be addressed prior to delving into any more “intense” kink between these two. It is also something that I can one thousand percent picture Isak dealing with, as he is (from my interpretation) a bit of an insecure person by nature. Thankfully, Even is quite vocal and confident enough in his sexuality that I believe he would bring out a newfound “sexual confidence” in Isak, and they complement each other extremely well in that regard. He really does encourage Isak to accept and love all parts of himself, which is such a beautiful thing to have in a relationship. Isak also does a lot for Even, but that’s a discussion for another time. They are wonderful for each other—I actually did not realize the extent of _how_ great they are together until I started thinking about how their sexual dynamic would work.
> 
> Anyway, rant over! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. S/o to _The Get Down_ for coming back today (there’s a little reference in there for you) and most importantly, HAPPY TRAILER DAY! Can’t wait for season four, and so happy to be a part of this fandom.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for your feedback. I appreciate all forms of encouragement and I am so incredibly grateful and blown away by your love! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just as extra as Even so [I made a playlist for this fic](https://play.spotify.com/user/xbirthmarks/playlist/5PHA0vtoJFg69wYHay41k9). Enjoy listening to it while you read, I encourage you to do so! Each song has been chosen specifically for every chapter in this fic in the exact order they are listed.
> 
> I'm on tumblr [here](https://birthmxrks.tumblr.com) and on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/BlRTHMARKS). Comments make my day and nourish me until the next chapter. <3  
> 


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